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| Just woke up @ 9:30am after sleeping for just 4 hours. Started my day in the garden again then I ate my breakfast, then trying my patience with my cellphone. As usual it it has no signal. Curse sun. I can’t make a call or text.And so now m here, bored, writin whatever I wanna say without my shrewd mind ruling. I have plans to go out and do whatever that please me outside, outside of this cage. But I can’t, I’m bound to be the watchdog of the store nd the house as well cause mama will be going to down town with my littlle sister. My older sister is still enjoying her nap for almost 12 hours, my bro is there pinned in the chair infront of the screen doin what seems like his only purpose and happiness in life-playing video games. Ah! I want to run… escape from this cage-“our house”. I used to love our house. The comfort, the security, the warmth, the freshness of air, birds singing outside, the trees outside dancing with the wind… I’m thru with all these.. I can’t be forever hiding from the real and harsh world. My life’s been so static. I want change. I wanna taste pain and learn how to bear it. I wanna taste the bitterness of life. But what’s holding me back, what’s keeping me from bringing all those wants to action. Guess what? Whatelse but FEAR. Fear of the thought that I’d be better off with my sheltered life. That I can’t make it outside alone, weak and defenseless. If only courage is trade in the market I would be the first to bid for it. Tell me how can I have the courage I need to start a new life. The life outside my shell... | | |
| i'm staying up late again... seems like my everyday routine. blame it to the radio stations who only play those lovely songs in this time of the day and to the internet connection which is only possible from 10pm to 7am. and also i can't resist the sense of freedom its as if i own the world or maybe the house to be more realistic. mama call me "aswang"(a supernatural being who only appears when dark falls and disappear at daylight), a night dweller like me. but m not the "aswang" kind who eats human... i just love the silence u can't find in daylight when all people are all rushing to make their day productive. m the loner type who feels like being loved when m completely all by myself. | | |
| i've watched a documentary news(not sure if it is called as that-the show is called "pinoy abroad"-not sure again) about the Filipino people working and living in Japan and how those Filipinos adjust to their new environment and to the Japanese culture.
i've discovered the secret of the success of such a little country as Japan. It's their people. They abide rules that their government is implementing. They are well disciplined(my most admired character and that's what we are lacking). they really help their country by heart. instead of complaining,they do their duties as citizens. i've seen(in tv) some Japanese picking up the litter in the streets they pass even if it's not their own mess. i doubt if there would be filipino's that would be doin that without having to recieve a compensation for a little effort exerted. another is...when crossing the street, japanese use the pedestrian lane(no such thing as jaywalking -not in their vocabulary),and they won't cross the street if it's not yet time(signaled by traffic lights) even if it's possible or there are less vehicles.
but there'somethings i've discovered/proven about 'bout Filipinos. e.i. We are hardworking whatever the environmentwould be. And despite all the hardships,we still manage to smile and have fun as if we are someluckypeople who don't have any problem or burden | | |
| i've been acting and thinking strangely lately... and i'm not liking it. it's makin'me say and do things that are not so good to me and to the people around me. i've hurt a lot of people and my conscience is killing me... my dark side is ruling and idont know how or where to start to make things right.... prayers would be the best way but sad to say my 'dark side' won't allow me.....
hope i can get over this soon before i start to hate myself....
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i always had these bad dreams bout big waves and a nice beach turning into a deadly flood...which i thought might be connected to my being afraid of challenges and cravings for an easy life....(i hope nd pray i wud someday conquer those big waves-so help me God)(you might say i'm one of the good 'ol God-fearing ppol, wl yes i am. coz i'm always afraid)
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novels and books are really great company...they take you to places you have never been(and wil never be).you can talk to people and read their thoughts without actually meeting them. i have learned life's lesson too without having to experience them. Most Of All books don't require any qualities dat you must possess to be welcome in their world, you should know how to read though....
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